12 years ago I went to the bar one of the best friends used to work and sat for a beer. It was early in the afternoon, it was basically noon. My friend was very happy. It was his birthday. He turned 30 and he looked really excited.
I was 18 years old then and found his reaction to his age tragedy, out of space and flimsy.
“How does it feel to be 30? I asked”
“Life begins at 30's” he replied
I was sure he was just confronting himself. Until I reached his age, I had no idea what he was talking about.
Two years later it was my 20th birthday. I was so happy. I lived on my own. Everyone told me I was beautiful. I was young. I could learn anything I wanted. No money, not a big deal. Life was fun. And all the doors were mine.
So I did what I knew. I looked in my hands and saw that I had a map of life directions which was made in 1970, some psychological issues and questions, and no idea of what was going on and what I should do next and generally. I did what I felt the best, so I used them all together in horror and threw them on the floor like a cockroach to see what will happen. I did this for nine years with different combinations and never cleaned the mess. The end of the decade found me wrecked, out of money, physically and mentally exhausted from everyone. And worst of all, hopeless and depressed.
So what my friend had told me 12 years before, now seemed to be the only hope. Life begins at the ’30s.
I have written many articles here of how I overcame depression and weakness which took over my life after repetitive mistakes and failures. Exercise and philosophy were the only tools that helped me. Oh here is another useful article too! I loved it, because now I enjoy the result of these dark periods, I had no idea they would ever pass. Dark dark dark.
Now I am 32, I have paid my bills from the past and wrong perceptions of life. I have paid for all my spontaneous feelings and total absence of self-respect with guilt and mental suffering.
I have paid for everything I had done most of all, to myself. I just can’t hold this bottle of water anymore. I left it on the table and started doing something else with my hands. I started being creative. I started trying things. And made some rich decisions for my life which I made my values. If you have time we can discuss this.
- I have decided to fight the external decadence with internal education and enlightenment. This is one of the most beautiful tools I use every day. I live in a country were mental poverty and decadence is everywhere in modern culture and people. This has lead many young people feeling depressed and helpless. Greeks said your happiness depends on the happiness of your city and the general good. And they were right, I totally agree with this. Social decadence was the cherry on my cake for my depression. So now I fight this with internal knowledge and personal education. Reading books, listening to kinds of music I had no idea about, writing, learning geography, languages, and philosophy, honestly have rebuilt my brain and loaded new data on myself. I am a completely different person, dedicated to my happiness and the environment around me.
- I have decided to play outdoors as much as I can. Basically, this is what has saved my mind and health. When I started doing this I was a body built in cement. I felt my heart beat back again surrounded by vivid trees and beautiful waters. The wind brought my breath again back in my soul. I washed the cement in cold waters and felt hot again by running in dirt paths. We are animals. We are meant to be free. Humans have no idea what being free means, that’s why they don’t bother taking it away from others.
- I have decided to be militarily committed to lighting my path. With my ups and downs. Not every day is a great day. No matter what happens, I have decided that I will respect myself in 3 ways. The people I hang out with. The food I eat. The water I drink. The way I react to things and words. I used to hang from people and situations. I am not proud of that. There were years of my life I couldn’t get out of my bed because of external situations. A ship made of wood. Building my brain all over from the beginning gave me the information I needed and turned it into strength. And I have decided to stay committed to this. It makes me happy.
- I have decided that other’s bordered capabilities and limited perception is not my fault. I will try not to punish myself with anger because of their mistake to choose not to live with empathy and philosophy. It is not my business. My business is to do what works for me and the people that love me. I will get angry only for my choice to limit my perception and capabilities. I will get angry only if I say something bad and stupid and I will apologize to the person. I choose to be humble. I will get angry only for bad things that come from inside, what comes from the outside is not my business. Unless it needs to get to court.
- I will eat good and clean food. This became a priority when I started loving my life and taking it seriously. Honesty, it is not expensive. I just choose vegetables over hot dogs and yogurt over burgers. I eat fast food. But I used to eat every day mate. I was committing a polite and slow suicide. Basically, this is what it was. I wanted to kill myself but I couldn’t. Not caring to stay alive is not far away from killing oneself.
- I have decided that quality matters. Quality of people. Quality of music. Quality of food. Quality of air. Quality of water. Quality of body. Quality of jokes. Quality of thought. Quality of books. Take a look at all these again. One by one. They are all free, or at least cheap. No excuses. Just a choice of how I want to live my only, expensive life. This one, that I had made cheap, with my poor choices, laziness, and lack of self-respect. But it’s ok now.
I have remembered my worth and I am so glad I survived from the lie of current human society. My 20s was just an experiment. And life really begins in your 30’s..40’s…50’s..60’s 70's…Whenever you want and most of all: Whenever you are ready to say goodbye to your past ideas and things you have been taught without empathy and knowledge.
We are all in this together.