This is the only weapon that will help you kill the dragon of self-doubt
Some years ago, I was a happy young woman, that had no idea of the existence of this dragon.
There is something deeper than the food we eat. There is something deeper than the books we read. We need to dig farther than the words we’ve been told. It’s not about the pieces of advice we have been given, neither the love of people that have been surrounding us since we were born. It’s a kind of devil that seems to be part of our flesh and even more. Like a molecule, it forms our life. Like a memory that is given by parents to children. Part of our short story as humankind. Perhaps our only enemy. It is called: Self Doubt, or even worse…Self Rejection.
Robert Fisher puts it totally right in his book “The knight with the rusty armor”. He pictures self-doubt as an enormous dragon. We face him with no weapons or help. We are naked and powerless in front of him. The dragon roars in power and confidence and we are completely weak and stressed. That gives him even more power and confidence.
Knowledge is an extra trick that fools us. People that have reached a level of knowledge that they once desired, are sure that this dragon does not even exist. This makes him even more ecstatic! He loves the fact that people are anxious and they don’t know why. He loves that so many people harm themselves and the people who they love and they have never thought to fight against him. Either because it is difficult or because they have never thought that he exists.
Self-rejection. Self-hate. I am not good enough. I will never be this good. I don’t deserve this. Nobody knows that I am nothing deep inside. They think I am a good person but in reality, I am bad. I am not special. I don’t have a talent. I am not hard working. I don’t deserve the money. I don’t deserve love. I don’t deserve life. Because…
Because I am black. Because I am a woman. Because I am Chinese. Because I was abused. Because I am gay. Because I am trans. Because I was raised poor. Because I was never good for my parents. Because my parents treated me as special but in reality I am nothing. Because I have told lies to people that I love. Because others have always been telling me I am not special. Because I am human and human means cancer on Earth. Because I am sinful. The list is as varied as people’s faces on Earth in all our history.
Let’s talk beyond the words. The truth is that we feel we will never be enough, I am sorry to tell you because we think we do not follow the norm of our herd in this particular time of history. And you know what? No one follows it. This norm is a law made by nerds. This norm is a lie. Nobody follows it. In fact, almost everyone feels broken, because either we know it or not, everyone is special. These regimes have failed the humankind. If that wasn’t true, hundreds of books talking about the curse of being special would never become bestsellers, my friend!
These norms are fake and so is the dragon. The dragon changes based on the time and the place we live and this confirms that it is a human-made illusion. If we believe that he is real he will burn us in his flames. The difficult part is to look him in his eyes even though our knees are trembling. The more we get closer to him the smaller he gets. He is powerful only when we don’t look him in his eyes. He gets smaller and smaller. The flames become smaller and smaller. The flames stop and his last move is to spread seeds of doubt. Keep going. He is gone.
If you decide to face this dragon, there is a possibility that he will destroy you. If you don’t, it is decided that he will. The good news is that we don’t have another option. This is life. The fight with this dragon. Most success stories were written because there was no other option.
If I get stuck on what I know I will never learn what I don’t know. Let yourself only to rest. Do never feel pity of yourself. Take a rest and go further. Research.
Human history is sad. Billions of souls suffering from self-rejection and self-hate. All coming from the absence of knowledge of who we truly are. As I see it is quite simple. Humans are the only animals that need knowledge and love for themselves so as to thrive. Animals know. They are born knowing and I am sure about that. They know how to care, they know how to find water in their area, they are aware of natural phenomena. They simply know and they feel more than we can understand. And they are happy just being alive. A rabbit is happy just for being a rabbit. A zebra feels happy for being a zebra every single moment. A bird enjoys just the fact that it is a bird! (Mmmm, but this game changes for all of them when they get into captivity or abuse, just saying)
Humans, on the other hand, need to gain knowledge. We need to learn how to reach for goods, we need to learn how to raise our eyes and look in the stars. We need to read and research. I think that the only sad figure on Earth is a life that was never explored. Some years ago, I was a happy young woman, that had no idea of the existence of the dragon. When I first saw him, I pretended he wasn’t there. I ruined my life pretending he wasn’t there. And I used to tell myself, “I have never had the need to cry, maybe I have nothing to cry for”. Now I know that I was almost killed by the tears I never cried.
Do you remember how cute and clever you were when you were a child?Let me tell you something honestly. Nothing has changed since then. You are cute, clever, you are beautiful and unique. I know they have told you the opposite, even though they never used words to express it in front of your face. You heard it when they talked about others. But let me tell you something else. They know nothing. This is not their personal view. This is their limit of conception. A personal view arises after a lot of reading, thought, and philosophy.
And most of all, a personal view is never against human rights.
So do yourself a favor and remember who you are. Let yourself as a child come and save you. Self-awareness is the only bullet that can kill this dragon. Awareness is the key that opens the door to the whole universe. The universe is ours to enjoy. We are part of it. We have an advantage over those suffering souls of human history. We have time. We have hours to work with our minds and hands. These hours can become days and months of hard working with each other, so as to change the sad narration of humankind and finally write the word human with capital H.
We need your freedom. Freedom comes only from inside. Like life inside from the egg.